Thursday, August 7, 2014

Hendo's Top 5 Worst Duets of All Time

I start this blog off with a deep and heartfelt thank you to the 80s. Had the decade not happened, much of this countdown does not exist. So thank you, 80s. Thank you.

#5: Pia Zadora & Jermaine Jackson-When the Rain Begins to Fall
Picture me in middle school watching VH-1. It's summer. I fall asleep on the couch and wake up in the middle of the night to this video playing on my television set.

I never forgot it. Not ever.

For many many reasons, this is the worst duet of all time, bar none.

The problem is, it's so bad on too many levels. I cannot in good conscience let it be number one of anything - Not even number one of Hendo's Top 5 Worst Duets of All Time.

Pia Zadora and Jermaine Jackson should pay you money for the time you are about to lose watching this video. But you must watch this, if only for a moment. Strap on your sense of humor:



#4: Sheryl Crow & Kid Rock - Picture
I want to be very clear as to why this duet is included on Hendo's Top 5 Worst Duets of All Time.

Kid Rock.

I stand firmly in the camp that believes he should never sing. Ever.

And I certainly don't think any song should force me to imagine Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow romantically linked.

The lyric explicitly implies that he is out on the road cheating and cheating and cheating on Sheryl Crow. It's just not feasible. It's unbelievable, and the core of my being rejects it.

Aretha Franklin and William Hung would sound more natural singing this song together (Too far @lizbrooks?).

I would much prefer this duet be sung between Sheryl Crow & Joan Jett. Then I am paying for my download AND hot linking it from all my socials.

Can I get an Amen?




#3 Ann Wilson & Mike Reno - Almost Paradise
I wasn't a crazy Loverboy fan, but I liked the hits enough. Did their breadth of work stand the test of time like bands from the era such as U2 or The Police?

Do I need to answer that question?

Almost Paradise, the duet in which one of the greatest female vocalists of all time sings alongside Mike Reno of Loverboy.

You know he's playing this song for his grandchildren while /splitscreen/  Ann Wilson is making Led Zeppelin cry at the Kennedy Center Honors

But nobody wore red leather pants like him. Nobody.



 
#2 UB40 & Chrissy Hynde - I've Got You Babe
Where do I begin?

 As if Red Red Wine hadn't done a big enough disservice to reggae music, UB40 conned one of the most bad ass female rock n' roll icons into singing a Sonny & Cher song, reggae style, basically obliterating the genre for a generation!

There's so much to say about this horrific remake, yet I think it's best to just sum it up.

A classic like "I've Got You Babe" cannot be remade, unless it's being sung by Donny & Marie.

#ChrissyHyndeForgiven #UB40Unforgiven

#1 WITH A BULLET
Huey Lewis & Gwyneth Paltrow - Cruisin'
One day, Huey Lewis' people figured out how to call Gwyneth Paltrow's people. It went something like this:

Huey Lewis' people: "Hi, this is Huey Lewis' people. Would Gwyneth like to begin the slow and painful path down career annihilation by singing a duet with Huey Lewis of "The News" fame for a crappy movie? Call us, maybe."

Guess what happened next...

She actually called them back!

Oh YES SHE DID! 

Before "Goop" the blog*, she sang "Goop" the duet. With Huey Friggin' Lewis. (*Goop is a digital media and e-commerce community founded by Gwyneth "I sing duets with Huey Lewis" Paltrow. )




I will balance out this snarky, self proclaimed brilliantly and meticulously researched countdown with my top 5 best duets of all time next week. Keep coming back...

#Hendo





5 comments:

  1. AMEN...to Joan and Sheryl my friend. AMEN.
    Love,Where's

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  2. I gotta throw in Mick Jagger and David Bowie for the video duet of Dancin in the Street...just painful

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  3. That Dancing in the Streets duet was a bad one, no doubt. It would have cracked my top 10....

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  4. That first video... nightmares.... #ThanksHendo

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  5. 5. The long instrumental intro was already painful even for a prog rocker like myself. The pain got more intense by the time he started singing. I lasted for 1.5 seconds more after she did.

    4. Amen, bro'!. Sorry, sis'! Kid Rock sings like the tonedeaf busker who covered the sound of my whistle with his amplified electric guitar playing just 30 meters away from me two nights ago.

    3-1. I could last only until the second singer started singing

    If anyone else can take more, please check these Ashley Holt and Gary Pickford Hopkins on

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ9W2pZwvlY Five days out on the infinite sea they prayed for calm on the ocean free but the surface of the water was indicating some distrubance LOL

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7_hp27j-ZI&list=PLVWwBWjNCTAo8AFvKpcTzZ2JbrFG4_pCL Guinevere, golden tresses shining in the air, spread against the Jasper Sea LOL LOL

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