Thursday, August 14, 2014

Hendo's Top 3 Guilty Duet Pleasures List...

Since posting Hendo's Top 5 Worst Duets of All Time, I've gotten quite a bit of feedback from people adding their suggestions to duets even worse than the ones mentioned in my original blog piece. If you would like to refresh your memory on my Top 5 Worst Duets of All Time, click here. We will wait for you to return.

So, now that you're back, I am adding an additional three songs that should logically fall onto the top 5 worst duets of all time, yet this guy (that's me) loves and knows every word, every nuance, every key modulation to each of them. In other words, make sure #Hendo's your karaoke duet partner on 80s night at Winnie's. 

We are calling it Hendo's Top 3 Guilty Duet Pleasures List. And once again, a shout out to the 80s for making this possible.

Dim the lights and be amazed at my self confidence when I admit to not just liking, but loving these songs:

#3) Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin - Separate Lives
You have no right to ask me why I love this song.
You have no right to act like you don't love it too.
I can't go on pretending this isn't one of my favorite duets of all time.
So for now we'll go on living.....separate lives.

The song comes from a movie that I can't remember a thing about. Oops, I just remembered one thing about it. Barishnikov and Russia.

Oops again. That's two things.

Wait a minute. I just got a flickery flash of Jeff Bridges and a short haired brunette. And after googling it, I realize it's a different movie with a Phil Collins song in it (Against All Odds).

So it's official. I only remember two things about this movie, and one of them is not the name of it.

But none of that is important. What is important is that I still quote the lyrics in moments of unabashed melodramatic-ness. Just visit my twitter feed for proof of this. The words wash over me from time to time and I am compelled to share them via social media. The song is just that good. To me.

"You have no right to ask me how I feel...You have no right to speak to me so kind..."

I just love the drama in those lines and am green with envy that I didn't write them first.

And who could forget the woman Phil Collins sings the duet with? Marilyn Monroe...no, Manson...Martin. Of course. Marilyn Martin. Or the name of the classic movie from which it comes from....I just googled it. wait for it, wait for it: WHITE NIGHTS!



#2) Patti LaBelle & Michael McDonald - On My Own
On the minus side, The sexual chemistry is pretty much non-existent. And the singing while gazing out windows on separate coasts only strengthens the speculation that Michael McDonald and Patti LaBelle have likely never even met.

On the plus side, I could listen to Michael McDonald sing the Iliad...the phone book is too overused a phrase nowadays. And I certainly have a healthy respect for what Patti LaBelle can do, even if she physically attacked Aretha Franklin. Yes, I know that was a satirical article about a feud between the two singers, but once it's in print, it is fact. Isn't it? Don't know what the h*** I'm talking about? Clickety click right here.

A duet between two amazingly great singers, albeit extremely random in pairing, recorded in the 80s inevitably leads to one outcome. Me loving it.



#1) Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam with Full Force - All Cried Out
In 1986, I was a camp counselor at the YMCA singing this diddy at the top of my lungs with my co-counselor Sheri. Every kid in our camp group knew the words. We would scream it from the arts and crafts tables, from atop the horses during riding lessons, from around the campfire on sleep out nights. The video, the production, every single thing about it became dated within 6 months of it's release.

And. That's. Why. We. Love. It. So.

Oh yes, I said WE. I assume you love it too.

And if you're thinking to yourself, "Sorry Hendo, I don't love it too...."

Your apology is NOT accepted add me to the broken hearts you've collected. - Lisa Lisa

Watch this video. Keep both eyes open and don't blink, not for one second. Then let's make our date for karaoke night. I know both parts by heart, so you tell me which side you want to sing.

Until next time,
#Hendo






Thursday, August 7, 2014

Hendo's Top 5 Worst Duets of All Time

I start this blog off with a deep and heartfelt thank you to the 80s. Had the decade not happened, much of this countdown does not exist. So thank you, 80s. Thank you.

#5: Pia Zadora & Jermaine Jackson-When the Rain Begins to Fall
Picture me in middle school watching VH-1. It's summer. I fall asleep on the couch and wake up in the middle of the night to this video playing on my television set.

I never forgot it. Not ever.

For many many reasons, this is the worst duet of all time, bar none.

The problem is, it's so bad on too many levels. I cannot in good conscience let it be number one of anything - Not even number one of Hendo's Top 5 Worst Duets of All Time.

Pia Zadora and Jermaine Jackson should pay you money for the time you are about to lose watching this video. But you must watch this, if only for a moment. Strap on your sense of humor:



#4: Sheryl Crow & Kid Rock - Picture
I want to be very clear as to why this duet is included on Hendo's Top 5 Worst Duets of All Time.

Kid Rock.

I stand firmly in the camp that believes he should never sing. Ever.

And I certainly don't think any song should force me to imagine Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow romantically linked.

The lyric explicitly implies that he is out on the road cheating and cheating and cheating on Sheryl Crow. It's just not feasible. It's unbelievable, and the core of my being rejects it.

Aretha Franklin and William Hung would sound more natural singing this song together (Too far @lizbrooks?).

I would much prefer this duet be sung between Sheryl Crow & Joan Jett. Then I am paying for my download AND hot linking it from all my socials.

Can I get an Amen?




#3 Ann Wilson & Mike Reno - Almost Paradise
I wasn't a crazy Loverboy fan, but I liked the hits enough. Did their breadth of work stand the test of time like bands from the era such as U2 or The Police?

Do I need to answer that question?

Almost Paradise, the duet in which one of the greatest female vocalists of all time sings alongside Mike Reno of Loverboy.

You know he's playing this song for his grandchildren while /splitscreen/  Ann Wilson is making Led Zeppelin cry at the Kennedy Center Honors

But nobody wore red leather pants like him. Nobody.



 
#2 UB40 & Chrissy Hynde - I've Got You Babe
Where do I begin?

 As if Red Red Wine hadn't done a big enough disservice to reggae music, UB40 conned one of the most bad ass female rock n' roll icons into singing a Sonny & Cher song, reggae style, basically obliterating the genre for a generation!

There's so much to say about this horrific remake, yet I think it's best to just sum it up.

A classic like "I've Got You Babe" cannot be remade, unless it's being sung by Donny & Marie.

#ChrissyHyndeForgiven #UB40Unforgiven

#1 WITH A BULLET
Huey Lewis & Gwyneth Paltrow - Cruisin'
One day, Huey Lewis' people figured out how to call Gwyneth Paltrow's people. It went something like this:

Huey Lewis' people: "Hi, this is Huey Lewis' people. Would Gwyneth like to begin the slow and painful path down career annihilation by singing a duet with Huey Lewis of "The News" fame for a crappy movie? Call us, maybe."

Guess what happened next...

She actually called them back!

Oh YES SHE DID! 

Before "Goop" the blog*, she sang "Goop" the duet. With Huey Friggin' Lewis. (*Goop is a digital media and e-commerce community founded by Gwyneth "I sing duets with Huey Lewis" Paltrow. )




I will balance out this snarky, self proclaimed brilliantly and meticulously researched countdown with my top 5 best duets of all time next week. Keep coming back...

#Hendo