Friday, October 11, 2013

Big Mean Bully.

My friends, Marcye and Karen Nicholson-McFadden, with their kids. They're fighting the good fight in Jerz and will be legally married very very soon!

Dear Gov. Christie,
Hiya big guy. How's it goin'? You know what, let's skip the niceties. I'm not hosting SNL this weekend, but still, I don't have tons of free time to write to fellas like you.

Today is National Coming Out Day, so I thought it would be a good idea to remind you of that. I'm almost certain your secretary doesn't have it on your calendar, nor did she leave a post it note on your computer reminding you of the public appearance you're scheduled to make at a local high school where you show your unwavering support of the LGBT youth in your state.

Stop right there. I know what you're going to say to me. You don't have a problem with gay people. You actually know a few gay people, even. And you're perfectly fine with gay people making life long commitments to one another via Civil Unions. They just aren't allowed to get married in your state, like, say, normal people.

"Hey," you probably say. "I didn't say that!"

Gov. Christie, "separate but equal" should only be reserved for high school baseball and softball teams arguing over who gets to play their home game on the field with the scoreboard. You following me? When I was in high school, the girls softball team was never allowed to play on the boys field. That was, of course, the one with the scoreboard. We had our own field, complete with weeds and ditches to tear ligaments in. That was in the eighties. A great decade for music, but not for girls high school sports. But now, in the year 2013, the school athletic directors and coaches have worked it out so that the boys teams and the girls teams rotate onto the nicer fields with the scoreboards. Equally

Look. I watch you on the TV. We loved your press briefings leading up to Hurricane Sandy, at least the ones we saw before we lost power. And even most recently, as the boardwalk burned to the ground, you spoke to your constituents with authority and confidence. You're a strong leader, no doubt. 

Here's the thing. You need to let equality for all human beings glide into your state now. You're New Jersey, for crissakes. New York's best friend. Our side kick. You're the Robin to New York's Batman. The whole world knows it. The Supreme Court struck DOMA down. Were you not watching that? The Pope. Even he...I mean, I don't need to get into all that. I'm sure you get Pope bulletins via email. 

Evolve, buddy. The LGBT community is one of the most forgiving. As soon as you accept us, we forgive most transgressions. And this transgression is technically slight if you let equality into New Jersey.

There's one other thing. There are kids in your state. All different types of kids, actually. Some are gay, or lesbian, or bisexual, or transgender. Some are even straight kids whose parents are gay. And those kids just want their families to have the same civil rights as their neighbors families. These kids are in your schools and your communities. Your kids certainly go to school with some of them. These kids have self esteems. And you, personally, are kicking the shit out of theirs. Like a big mean bully. 

That's what you look like from the great state of New York, where everyone is equal. You look like a big mean bully. 

Turn it around, Governor. We'll have your back. 


ps- If I knew anything about your record, I'd know that you recently signed into law a bill that prohibits licensed professionals from attempting so-called "gay conversion therapy" on minors (good call, btw). It seems you, yourself, may need a little conversion therapy. Don't be afraid, Gov. Let equality into NJ and I guarantee that you are the guy on top of the Pride Parade float in June. It will be awesome. 


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. LOL. Seconded from Richmond Hill, ON.

  3. What an excellently well written letter. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to sit down and put so eloquently into words what so many others are thinking. I like your writing style...I bet the Governor will too...should his secretary be savvy enough to say leave a copy somewhere within his reach?

  4. I would never vote for such a small minded person.
    He will never truly represent the common citizen of NJ