Sunday, February 6, 2011

Social Worker Sunday.

A Norman Rockwell moment (photo by Denny)

"I mean, how straight should we make it?"

"Did you just hear yourself?"

"I much do we have to straighten up for this person."

"I'm not straightening up. I'm not doing anything. She can come here and write her stinking report." Biting lip, stairing around the room, thinking, thinking, thinking, "Do you think we should take the crib tents down?"

"They sell crib tents at Buy Buy Effin' Baby! She's going to judge us because we don't want our babies kamakazi diving out of their cribs?"

"Can I make a suggestion...." mom chimes in from couch. "Will you at least move the alcohol off your counter. I think that would be a good idea."

In our defense, it's not like the babies can reach the alcohol (in case the social worker happens to read my blog). But yes, we do have an ocean's worth of unopened Jack Daniels in a bottle that's still got the seal on it (again, in case the social worker happens to read my blog). It ended up in our house after the Perrotta/Ellis-Hendo Block Party last summer. It was a freakin' Noman Rockwell moment in our neighborhood, and all we have to show the social worker from it is an ocean's worth of Jack Daniel's that never got opened.

She won't see the bouncy castle we rented. Or the terrifying (that's me projecting) clown that was face painting. 

"We'll move it to the basement." We both agreed.

So this is the day we've been waiting for. A rite of passage for all new parents. The one when a social worker comes to our house and deems us fit to raise our own kids.

I remember my brother Tommy telling me what it was like when he and his wife were deemed fit by....hey, wait a minute...they didn't have a social worker come to their house to judge them? Oh, right. Of course not! They have their civil rights. Silly, silly, silly me.

Now, before you post to my blog that you're sick of me and my sour grapes (that's aimed directly at all my Tea Party readers. C'mon, I know you're out there), I would like to remind you all of the following:

If a married couple uses a donor bank to create a family, just like Sarah and I did, they do not have to adopt that child. To be clear - the husband, or father, does not have to adopt his own child. Because that's what that child is. His. No social worker comes to visit their house on Super Bowl Sunday.

Let's go one step further because, at the very least, I've got my right to free speech...

If a heterosexual/unmarried couple uses a donor bank to create a family, just like Sarah and I did, the woman can list her male boyfriend as the father on the baby's birth certificate. And guess what? No social worker will come to their house, assuming they even live together. Not even on Super Bowl Sunday.

Now go enjoy your buffalo wings.


ps-Neighbor Sara who has been through this degrading experience herself and partner Sarah who lived it with me wanted me to add this fact to the blog. We actually had to PAY the social worker for the visit...write a check for the humiliation. So...that too. 


  1. Good eye, Mom.

    -- just how stupid is this? If a social worker came to my house today, she'd stroke out.

    I'm sorry that your family has to go through this invasion.

    One day, soon I hope, another family will not have to go through this, and that family, will have you and Sarah, and Thomas and Kate to thank for that.

  2. A first I thought this was a blog about hair.

    Because of you, and great kids like the one in the video below, I can only hope we won't have to bother with stuff like this for much longer. Especially on Superbowl Sunday!

    Thanks for all you're doing. And for the record, my dad would have offered her a drink!

  3. Should I plan on starting the addition on your house after the game? 'Cause I'm betting that by the time you guys got through with her, she was begging to move in!

  4. What about the fact that you actually have to PAY for the invasion? Social workers aren't free.

  5. @sljones718, I did mean to mention that in the blog. Sarah was bummed I left that nugget out. it was an overall humiliating and degrading experience AND I had to pay for it.

  6. Great blog, and totally agree. It was also humiliating to have to write a bio on myself to prove I don't have weird latent psycho-family dysfunction lurking in the background.

  7. Good information & thanks for sharing!

  8. This would be offensive anywhere, but I am particularly disappointed that it happens in a "progressive" state like New York.

  9. Thank you for clarifying how unfair this process is. I know it can be hard for many to adopt...but the sheer fact that they are making you adopt your own is ludicris! And don't get me started on all the unfit purely biological parents out there....all I hope is that this process they are making you go through ends soon!

  10. Wow -- that is ridiculous and upsetting. It breaks my heart not just because such blatant discrimination is still so prevalent, but also that it is being government sanctioned. Where is the petition to sign to allow gay parents who use donor sperm to be treated in the same way as straight ones? So sorry you had to participate in that farce. Stay strong and fight the good fight.

  11. with all the unfit biological parents out there, you would think they would have bigger fish to fry! i think it's a beautiful life you've created for your just stinks that you need the "official" seal of approval! hang tough and tell them you got a game to watch today! xoxoxo

  12. You and Sarah are an inspiration. No social worker needed to see that!

  13. I had a witty comment but it got eaten. Shall I come remove Jack from the premises since I feel slightly responsible for his presence?

    Kick ass sisters. We love you very much across the street and you know how we feel about this absurd situ...ation. XOXO

  14. Lara W & Jen BFebruary 7, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    Let the powers that be know your friends in Big D are fired up...and not just because they are taking the attention away from the Superbowl which happens to be here;)...but because it's just simply unjust! We are more than happy to open up a can of Texas whoop ass on em! You are both amazing & beautiful women, moms, friends and a blessing to our society! Thank you for being leader in equality. We love you and are there in spirit. Kiss the babes for us...xo

  15. i mean..... insanity... perhaps the state still enjoys having this law as it gets money from the process...

    and of course you still have sour grapes... how can you not... kate and thomas are perfect and it is all thanks to you and sarah's parenting. no state worker should have to enter your home to "approve" your home...

    while you didn't mention it here... I do love that little thomas offered the social worker buttcakes... So SO SWEET! i'm willing to bet that doesn't happen to her very often...

    sorry for the humilitation the great state of NY caused you and sasa... it ain't fair and it aint right... but i'm glad your talking about it because the more people know what goes on... the more likely it is going to change in our lifetime..

  16. I think it is America that is becoming Neurotica. Thank God for sense, smiles, and song. Thank you for posting, singing, blogging, and in advance for the book. The only slooooooooow way things ever change- if ever- is through loooooong patient grassroots social CARING and SHARING. Knowledge really is power, thank you again for sharing!

  17. This is total B.S. and insulting. Way to add insult to injury by making you PAY for the visit! BTW, love how both kids are screaming in the pic. *LOL*