I go into these shows knowing full well they're scripted, or at least....steered....a certain way. I mean, the ex-girlfriend happens to have a camera in her apartment when one of the bachelors calls her from the bachelor pad? What are the chances of that? But I just suspend disbelief for the hour, pull out my spoon (or "poon" as some people call it in my house), and eat it up.
And when I say moderately-shlubby, I mean he's a bit-awkward-not-that-good-of-a-kisser-from-what-I-can-see-on-the-tv-but-still-sorta-handsome-and-bohunky. I personally think he's good lookin', and if I were the bachelorette, which I am not (for obvious reasons), he'd be my pick. Especially since he lives on Cape Cod (free place to stay during women's week for me and my posse, sorry Chris...).
If I really think about it, Chris is so the guy whose last girlfriend broke his heart and "turned gay," right? That's such a whole other blog that I'll just stop right there. But remind me of that when my blog welleth run dry. There's a guy type that dates girls just before they become lesbians. It's true. And Chris L. is that type. #thisdoesnotmakealialesbian-ordoesit?
Seriously. On that last episode, I thought the Bachelorette could have been impregnated under the water in Tahiti. She and Roberto were dry-humping pretty....intensely...through their bathing suits. Hah! Nasty to type, but true nonetheless. Does it even qualify as dry-humping if they're under water in wet bathing suits? I just think that ups the odds of getting preg. And I'm a bit of an expert on fertility issues
All I'm saying is that Bachelor Chris wasn't getting any dry humping. And according to my rule, the one getting the most dry humping wins. They should probably edit out dry hump scenes if they don't want me to blog spoil the ending for them. Silly, ABC.
So I'm calling it and wrecking it for all you faithful watchers (are you still denying that you're watching it?).
Ali with Roberto. Chris L. is the next Bachelor. The proof is in the dry humping.
See you at the finish line.