Friday, June 25, 2010

I think I Made this Word Up.

So.  One day I was vacationing with Sarah and friends in this little enclave in Maine.  I can't remember the name of the town, because I forget things regularly now.  But I bet some of you will know the name of it.  We stayed at a Bed & Breakfast that named rooms after gay celebrities.  We were in the Jodie Foster Suite.  I swear to god.  They had a framed photo of her up in our room.  It was.  I mean.  I can't even.

Anyway.  It was a beautiful summer beach town and we were with friends.  Does that last sentence require any commas?  We might not have stayed in the nicest place in town, but it was only one night.  We ate lobsters, we laughed, we were just happy to be together, regardless of the damp framed photos of Jodie and Lilly Tomlin hanging in our rooms.  As we sat on the water drinking cocktails, we reminisced about early friendships we'd all had.  You know.  Before we realized we were gay.  As we compared stories, we found we had something in common.  Just prior to our first gay relationship, we all had an extremely intense "friendship" with a woman that ended with a big, disastrous, friendship-ending, blow out of a fight.  We could barely recall what the friendship-ending, blow out of a fight was even about all these years later.  All we could remember was that the next thing we knew, we were all gay.

Isn't that funny?  All four of us had the same experience!

So, I decided to start calling that friendship, the one just before your first gay relationship that ends with a disastrous and dramatic blow up, a fresbian relationship.

So as not to alienate all of my straight readers, it's possible to be straight and have a fresbian relationship.  Or is that alienating you even more?  Regardless, to all my straight readers, think back...maybe you've been a fresbian to someone!  Tell us all about it here in the comments section of 'Hangin' With Hendo!'

I don't want to hear that you and your friends came up with that word already.  Because you didn't.  I did.  And I even submitted my definition to Urban, where they have other, albeit incorrect, definitions of the term fresbian.  So, I am asking all of you to click on the link I will provide at the bottom of this blog, and go give MY definition a thumbs up.  I input my definition using a fake name.  I'm not sure why I did that.  But I did.  My fake name is BoysOnTheSide, after the movie that was chock full of fresbians.  So go on and give my definition a thumbs up.


Happy (NYC) Gay Pride Weekend,

fyi, my definition as it reads on

Fresbian defines the intense friendship a lesbian has with her girl friends before realizing she is actually a lesbian. A fresbian relationship usually ends with an intense, and somewhat irrational blow up or break up of the friendship.
Jane couldn't understand the jealous feelings she had when her best friend, Carly, went with Jason to the prom. She was so upset by it, she drove to the prom, made a scene and ended their friendship. It wasn't until four years later when Jane was finally in a lesbian relationship with Dawn that she understood she had been in an intense fresbian relationship with Carly.


  1. I gave you a thumbs up... even though I've heard that word before. In a song. By Alix Dobkin. But, I prefer your definition.

  2. i gave you a thumbs up.

  3. So you went bitchcakes over realizing a fresbianship. That's pretty freakin' hilarious.

    HA! Fresbianship. Use that too... I keep reading "Fresno" lol. But I'll leave you with this: the one offputting thing: the "damp framed pictures of Jodie Foster and Lily Tomlin."

    Damp? That made me giggle. Happy Pride to ya.

  4. Happy Pride! Here's my story of my fresbian relationship. I knew my best friend since I was 5 yrs old. If I didn't have any other friends I couldn't care less as long as her and I were close friends. I hated when she had boyfriends but didn't know why (duh!)
    Prom time rolls around and we're both single so we wanted to go with each other... no boys. WELL..... the school had a "meeting" and decided they couldn't let us go together because they "couldn't be responsible if people said things". Now I was in denial at this point and didn't know WTF they were even talking about. So my Fresian went to the prom with a guy friend of hers and I stayed home. I hung out with some friends I knew from another school but all I could think about that night was her.

    Fast forward YEARS later there was no real fight but we just one day stopped talking to each other. She wants to be good friends again now and I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm just a jerk, but it is what it is.
    (Side note.. This girl introduced me to my first girlfriend)

  5. Yes!!!My best friend from middle school just about kicked my ass cuz she heard I made out with her brother. We even swapped boyfriends cuz I liked hers better and that was ok.
    She was my best best friend and I lost her. Then she came back from a summer from Atlanta as a Lesbian. That's huge in our little country town.
    We made up after high school, but I missed her BFFness big time.
    Although I do think that picture of Jodi Foster is HOT, I am still straight. Proud drama free Fresbian.
    I will say that many of my gay gal pals keep having a crush on me. I don't know what to do with that?
    I'm a FRESBO for Lesbos?

  6. Hmmm... I'm guessing you were in Ogunquit, Maine. Was it the Ogunquit Beach Inn? Great little place.

    I went years ago and don't remember what happened but I did or said something politically-incorrect that caused the inn-keeper to tweak out. ;-)

  7. I think most gay men have fresbian relationships too... except we don't get in huge fights with ours. I think I took mine to the spice girls concert instead.


  8. HAHA!!! That's awesome!! I thought my group of friends back in high school were the only one's that used that word (back in the late 80's, early 90's). Not only did we call our gals fresbians, we also called them lezships. Of course only 3 of us ended up gay when we had no idea back then what everything meant. We laugh about it now :-)

  9. Here's one for you. My first gf and I had been having sex for years, denying we were gay (to ourselves and everybody) for religious reasons. Then, when we finally decided that was ridiculous and we needed to live honestly, we had lots of knock-down, drag-out, big, disastrous, ALMOST friendship-ending, blow out fights...that almost broke us up. But it didn't. We ultimately worked it out, but damn, it was rough sailing for a while.

    The obvious answer to me is that our subconscious, truest self KNOWS that we are gay, but our conscious self fights like hell against it. Thus, the "fresbian phenomenon".

    Good blog, Hendo.

  10. I gave it a thumbs up. Funny thing is, my fresbian relationship ended after and AR show. After eight or so years we reconnected and not have a Facebook friendship.

  11. *oops... we NOW have a FB friendship.

    PS. Jody Foster is HOT!

  12. Is that what that was?? Ha ha ha!!! I had so many!! Loved the use of the word in the paragraph under the definition! I concur with the above who are totally freaked by the picture of Ms. Foster in the room. Totally CREEPY!!

  13. I am too distracted by the photo of jf to read this blog... I imagine you were hilarious.

  14. I think I am a Fresbian for life ~~ xo P

  15. I'm straight and I think Jodie Foster is hot. And I agree with your fresbian definition. I have a very close friend, who I've known since we were 12. Her other friends suspected she was gay, and it didn't matter, because it just didn't. Each of us had "fresbian" relationships with her at one time or another. When I got a serious boyfriend, she had her blow-up with me, because I had been her fresbian "girlfriend" at the time. She was with women for about 8 years, and now is married to a great guy and has a little boy who is four. But I still think she should be with women. She chose really great women to be with, and horrible dumb-jock muscle head men. Anyway, love your blog, LOVE YOUR MUSIC!!!!!!!

  16. i definitely had one of these... this girl broke my heart in a way it has never been broken since... around christmas time senior year in high school we started messing around (we had been best friends for about 3 years)... by April of senior year, she told me some messed up stuff and basically began ignoring me, which really sucked since we had classes together and mutual friends and she was my ride to school! took me a long time to get over her... we are back in contact now, but mostly on fb only... crazy common ground for all of us...
    --- Jeannie aka xlucyberlinerx

  17. I love all these stories of fresbian love and loss and am always extremely proud when I actually get @ollywoodhills inspired enough to post publicly!
    Toot toot!

    Keep the stories coming, peeps!