Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Could You Punch a Muppet?

For those as interested in my 2 cents as I am, Bowersox BLEW Lee out of the water last night.  So why did Simon treat him with such kid gloves?  Because it was his last night judging?  #FAIL, Simon.  We've loved you through nine seasons for one reason only.  You are our dark side!  You say the mean, nasty, hurtful things that we here in America were raised not to say.

So the fact that you sat there last night after one of three un-impressively lackluster Lee Dewyze performances and ONCE AGAIN told us that he was a paint salesman and that you wish only the best for him makes me think a few things.  1) You're already on his personal management team.  2) You're sexually attracted to him.  I know there's a fine line between being British and being gay, but sometimes the British person actually is gay, right @Ollywoodhills?  3) You're channeling the ghost of Paula Abdul.

So.  Let me just say.  I have moderately liked Crystal Bowersox this season.  I thought she was good enough.  I liked her personality.  But, for the most part, she reminded me of someone we would trade sets with at The Backfence on a Monday night until 3am.  In other words, someone who could sing cover songs in a bar that had peanut shells covering the floor.  Granted, she'd be the crowd's favorite of the night, unless, of course, she was trading sets with us.  But, fortunately, we got out of there (no disrespect to The Backfence) and I thought Crystal never would.

Well, well, well...I'm the first to say that I LOVE when I'm wrong!  That girl BLEW her way off Bleecker St. last night.  She made Lee Dewyze look like it was amateur night.  She opened with Bobby McGee, one of the most over covered songs on planet Earth, and she OWNED it.  I do believe I've blogged previously about never covering a Janis song.  Oops, me and my big mouth.  Seriously, I was like Janis Who?  I can't even believe I just typed that.

Then onto Black Velvet, a song I hate so much, I think I hate it even more than I hate The Lady in Red.  OK?  That's a lotta hate.  Not only did I not hate it when Crystal sang it last night, but I rewound it and watched it again!

Meanwhile, Lee Dewyze came out and did a mediocre rendition of The Boxer (no one will ever cover it as well as Burlap to Cashmere. @ninicamps - remember when they'd cover that?  It was so good...).

And then U2's Beautiful Day?  That wasn't even a hit for U2, was it?  Oh my god, and I'm forgetting the horrendous REM cover.  What a bad night for the paint guy.    

Yet, the judges barely criticized him.

What happened to years past when Simon awarded each contestant with a round?  Not a peep out of him.  #Whuck!  Is it because Crystal's a woman?  I'm going out on a limb here and saying it is.  The music industry is such a fuckin' boys club.  Did I just say fuck?  I did.  That's how fucked up it is.

Lee Dewyze sucked last night.  Crystal Bowersox not only swept the floor with him, but she showed up like a superstar.  And for it, the judges applauded politely, said some nice things, but did nothing in their power to make sure she takes this thing home tonight.

That gets me so pissed I could punch a muppet.  I'm sure I'll regret saying that about a muppet, but for right now I do mean it.  A less important muppet who doesn't have a lot of lines, maybe.  Or one toting a gun or knife...they do exist, you know. 


ps-Crystal Bowersox closed with "Up to the Mountain" and reminded me why I love what I do for a living....blogging about American Idol


  1. Kristen is totally right about Crystal, I agree with everything you said about last night. The sad thing is that I still think Lee is going to win for some unknown reason...

  2. Phew. I thought I was the only one that thought the "judges" gave Lee a pass last night. The guy is super boring, and puts me to sleep every time he sings, but they love him for some reason.
    Crystal is talented, but her need to say something about everything, is kind of off-putting. She will shine brightest though, when she is given the opportunity to sing her own songs.

    When American Idol stops trying to force people into a certain mold, (c'mon, you can't make a rocker sing country, or a bumpkin sing rock. It's awkward and sounds bad.), and lets them shine with their own brands of music, then we will see AI ratings go up again.

  3. @anonymous, I agree with you. I am totally right.

    @MonaLisa, Crystal does need to zip it on the commentary. It's a little painful...


  4. the only reason i will let you get away with writing about punching a muppet... is that you found the evil muppet picture and included it in the blog...

    not shockingly... i agree with everything you said.. even when you cursed...

    Lee was trending on twitter last night... not a great sign for Bowersox... I hope i'm wrong.. but if Kara get's half naked again tonight i won't care who wins...

  5. I didn't watch American Idol this season, but every season past, they have done that on finale night. Since they know either one can win, they don't want to look stupid if they are too harsh on the person America picks. Because they will have to promote this person and their million dollar contract. Even when Simon would do his "this round goes to you", he was always nicer then all the weeks leading up to the end. They are just covering their butts. :)

  6. I agree she did make Lee look like an amateur last night. It made me think of the Jamie Fox night where he was going to give tee shirts that said either "Contestant" (I think) or "Artist". In my opinion Crystal was so the Artist last night and Lee the Contestant.

  7. I must say I thought Lee had a problem last night. He seemed like he was more nervous then ever. Crystal on the other and seemed to take it all in stride until her last song. Much more emotion. She killed it. Lee seemed to have the big band w/background singers spread all over the stage to show he doesn't move. Shit song for him. Crystal seems to be ready for this win. As far as Simon goes. He does not want to be wrong. All the smart ass off the cuff comments are gone. it could not be more clear. Simon wants Lee to win.

  8. @lizbrooks, that's what I'm saying! He was trending, but not Crystal? It's still a man's world...good news for my delicious little son.

    @Nancy, I know they go a little easier on finals night, but they didn't even award rounds...which Crystal won three of. I found it even politer than finals gone by.

  9. @anonymous - Lee did seem really nervous. And I think he's just exhausted from it all. That was my take on it. He got there and fizzled.

    @Sherri, the fact that you're referencing the t shirts means Jamie Foxx has won...

  10. In the beginning of the season Simon was all over Crystal...he was pushing her from the start. Somewhere during the last 6 weeks he switched his attention to's been very uncomfortable for us viewers who don't just watch for the theatrics and snide comments (which are very entertaining), but for the sheer fact that we love music. Crystal has had some moments, good and bad, and for the most part she has been the most talented from the start. (which isn't really saying much for a season that has lacked talent from day ONE. She deserves to win just based on last nights performances alone. Can't wait until she makes that was so beautiful!!

    Let's face it...Season 8 will never be topped. Adam and Kris took every song they sand and didn't just cover them, they made them their own. I will never forget Adam singing Mad Love...I cried, watched it again, cried some more. I didn't see even a glimmer of that this season. I really question whether or not I will watch next season.

    If Lee wins tonight that decision will be made for me and I will head off to Toys R' Us and buy me a bunch of Muppets...

  11. Ditto all of your comments. I think the whole facination with Lee was his change from baseline...he started out so shy and bad and then somehow blossomed before America's eyes. But there are so many Lees on the radio...#idol loses me anytime he's on.

    And thanks for pointing out his saliva issue a while back. I focus on it now every time he opens his mouth.

    Crystal hands down, but I fear we can't underestimate the power of the teenybopper/twilight revolution...those squeelers you hear in the audience everytime Lee gets up there and biffs it. If he wins, the first thing I am doing is starting my teenybopper-targeted novel/screenplay. Secondly, I will never watch #idol again.

    Unless Shania is on.

    Rock on with the blog.

    PS That muppet photo is priceless.

  12. Don't hit a muppet. And your band has covered Janis...quite nicely, I might add :-)

    She rocked it last night. That Up to the Mountain blew me away. An unlikely Idol, but she took the night. xo

  13. Commenting because you love comments.

    I don't have much to add. I agree with you.

    One thing I do have to say, I completely forgot what Lee sang last night, until I read your blog. Not a good sign.

  14. I'm not surprised she blew the lid off of that cover. I believe there is youtube footage of her in the past doing Janis covers and how that is her strongest point. So I'm not too shock-ed at all that everyone went bitchcakes over it. I knew it was comin'...

    Can I say "bitchcakes" in your blog comment?

    I love it when I know things in advance. But since this is your blog, I will say, you are right. This time....but next time Gadget, next time, I'll get you. (Quick, what was that a reference from?)

    Later Tater..

  15. hahahaha! There is most certainly NOT a fine line between being gay and being English. It's a really thick line that clearly keeps the chav's out! Ollywood x

  16. yep. now I could punch a muppet.... bring on prairie dawn.....

  17. @liz - HAH! Prairie Dawn is one of my faves, actually. But the thought of you punching her is hilarious!

    @ollywood, chav is a new word for me! Is that like a hoodlum? Oh, how I miss you so...

    @J-Bird, I don't know that reference, but I love when you say things like bitchcakes. We're allowed to curse on my blog even though my dad reads it.

  18. i wouldn't want to get you in trouble with Papa Hendo...but i love using that word. so it's yours. and the reference of "Next time Gadget.."

    ya ready?

    Inspector Gadget and Dr. Claw. #sooldschoolevenkristendidnotknowit

    I stumped a Hendo!!!!!

  19. I didn't get to watch Idol last night, but I've caught up with some performances and agree. In a way, I hope Lee wins, so Crystal has more control and freedom over her career. It happened for Kelly Clarkson & Carrie Underwood, but I'd hate to see her get lost in the mix of some of the winners. She's definitely above most of the previous winners, at least in my mind.

    As far as Lee goes, I've always like him & his style. Is he better than Crystal? No. But he is a totally different style performer, which I enjoy. I feel like he's probably gonna get lost in the music industry anyhow, so might as well let him win so Crystal can go do her own thing... Hopefully one day she'll open for you guys at MSG. ;)

    And in light of music being a boys club, it definitely is. And to be honest, I'm not a fan. I'm going to see Carole King & James Taylor on Sunday. Both two AMAZING musicians. Every interview I've seen thus far, JT is pushing Carole out of the spotlight. I'm gonna be pissed if that happens at the concert. He might have a better singing voice, but she'll always be the best songwriter. I'd rather hear her songs any day.