According to the Wiki definition, sleep deprivation can adversely affect brain and cognitive function. While I know we all love a good clinical definition, let's talk about sleep deprivation in real terms.
Even with a good night's sleep, I have trouble at the Bed, Bath and Beyond. The aisles are too tall or narrow or cluttered. I'm not sure which one it is, maybe a combination of all three. All I know is that I walk into that store and I don't feel well.
So when I showed up at the Bed, Bath and Beyond a year and a half into my self-diagnosed sleep deprived state, it was NOT pretty.
My sleep deprivation began about four months before I gave birth to my son. That's around the time we bought our huge pregnancy body pillows (ironically at Bed, Bath and Beyond) to help us sleep better through the last few months of our pregnancies. They did not work.
A week ago Monday, in the pouring rain, I showed up at Bed, Bath and Beyond with my 20% off coupon ready to buy brand new sheets for my brand new bed to help cure my self-diagnosed sleep deprivation. The brand new bed made me excited enough to think I could "tackle" a trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond. You can guess the keyword of that sentence.
Picture pouring cold rain. Picture Kristen getting a lousy parking spot in the back of the lot. Picture Kristen not dressed warm enough for the trip. Picture Kristen sprinting across the parking lot narrowly escaping several near death incidences as she weaved herself in and out of traffic. Know for a fact that before self-professed sporty Kristen was sleep deprived, she never would have had that many near death incidences weaving in and out of parking lot traffic.
Picture the electric doors of Bed, Bath and Beyond sliding open to welcome a sleep deprived Kristen to its showroom, and now picture Kristen realizing she left her stupid, annoying, already-expired-but-she-intends-to-use-it-anyway 20% Bed, Bath and Beyond coupon in the car.
And yes, she does realize she is speaking in the third person. It is an intentional coping mechanism for her to deal with the unbelievably stupid thing she was about to do.
OK. Here goes.
She decided to run, full speed, back to her car to get the expired coupon. There were no cars this time, so the coast was clear from that particular danger. Halfway through the lot she saw one of those cart collection areas.
She will supply a picture of the cart area for you to review here in this blog:
She decided to run under said cart collection area because it had a 6 foot long roof over it. It would give her a slight respite from the pouring cold rain pounding down on her innapropiately under dressed body.
As she approached the respite, her gray wool hat (you know the one) started to slip down her head. She didn't bother to push it back up. She was probably too tired. She reached the end of the cart collection area, and before she could say "I hate Bed, Bath and Beyond" she was LAID OUT on the concrete parking lot.
Whoops. Her bad. She didn't see the metal rod that ran across the back of the cart collection area, about thigh high. It cut her off in a take-no-prisoners type fashion. Abruptly. Understatement.
Mortified, she leapt to her feet without ever looking back and jumped into her car, contemplating her next move.
She was paying @thisisdevon to watch the babies. She had no choice in the matter. She had to show up back home with new sheets. So she waited a few minutes to be sure any patrons in the lot who witnessed the unbelievably embarrassing acrobatic-disaster-of-a-fall she just took had cleared the area. And she removed her gray hat so as not to be recognized.
She limped back to the front door of Bed, Bath and Beyond. This time slowly, getting soaked by the rain, with her expired 20% coupon in hand. She got annoyed by some bitchy fellow-patron she kept nearly running into with her cart (too bad she didn't hit that woman), She got her sheets, AND she was able to use her 20% expired coupon.
Her ego bruised worse than her thighs, she had new sheets for the new bed that would hopefully cure her sleep deprivation - a sleep disorder characterized by having too little sleep (Wiki definition).
The moral of the story - You can use your expired 20% Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons.