Tuesday, March 2, 2010

What I Need From Ellen.

I am a self professed "flip-flopper."  And I am unapologetic about it.  I can feel both ways about things, sometimes simultaneously.  That's because I'M HUMAN!  People who feel the need to keep their opinion because it's the opinion they've always had bore me to death.  Beat it, punks.  

So when AI launced in 2002 with Paula Abdul as a judge, I was first on line to scoff at it.  "Paula Ab-who'l?  Where'd they find her?"  That's not a literal quote, but it was certainly my frame of mind at the time.

As the seasons passed, so did my rekindled love for the lady whose song I used to swing from the rafters to at the SAE house at Bucknell University.  #Takemyrunonsentence.  "Straight Up" rocked my 18 year old world.  And now fifteen years later, I loved her all over again.  Do not take my Paula away.  I hung on her every fopa.  She made American Idol essential to watch TV.

Now she's gone and I'm left to follow @PaulaAbdul on twitter.  She's not nearly as unpredictable, irrational or quirky.  She tweets really generic "don't worry be happy" type tweets.  And there's no interaction between her and Simon.  Don't try to comfort me with rumors of her being on whatever the new Simon show is.  Until it happens, I'm inconsolable.  Just let me be.  

When they announced her departure whenever that was (I was in a hormone haze and still am), I quit the show.  It was over for me.  It could never be the same.

Until they announced.......ELLEN!  I love Ellen!  I've always loved Ellen.  She's "laugh out loud" funny to me, and not many people or things are.  "Arrested Development" is laugh out loud funny.  Sarah Silverman is laugh out loud funny as often as she isn't at all (an example of my flip flopp-edness)  And Ellen.  At least old Ellen was laugh out loud funny.  Ellen nowadays has gotten a little bizarre.  The crying over the puppy incident that I could barely follow because it made me uncomfortable to watch was a little bizarre.  But my love and appreciation for Ellen could overcome that strange incident.  Oh, and Anne Heche.  I could overcome that too.  The news of her replacing Paula Abdul was acceptable to me.  I was willing to watch with an open mind.

But here's my first question:
Why couldn't they get rid of Kara?

I don't care if she's a songwriter or a producer.  She's a cheese dog.  I mean, c'mon.  She's no LINDA PERRY.  Now that would have been a bad-ass, cool judge to add to the panel.  That I'm into.  But this Kara girl.  I just don't care.  I don't care I don't care.  She's not Paula.  She's not Linda Perry.  She's gotta go. 

Here's my second question:
Why isn't Ellen being FUNNY?

We don't need a serious Ellen.  That Kara is serious enough for the whole panel.  She's so serious she should be her own Sunday morning talk show.  For crissakes.   

 Ellen needs to cut the crap.  She needs to stop judging.  We don't need her judgements.  Simon tells the truth.  Kara takes herself seriously.  Rand(om)y talks about Journey.  And Ellen needs to be FUNNY.  Just say funny things.  Everytime it's your turn.

That's what I  need from Ellen.

 ps-so close to being done with Chapter 8.  SO CLOSE!


  1. Screw chapter 8. I'm diggin' your blogs. I did my time with triplets, so the book will be kind of a rerun for me.

  2. Agreed. Wholeheartedly (Did you know that's one word? I didn't). Though I still think YOU should be a judge on there... get rid of Ellen and Kara... bring on the Hendo! You make me laugh out loud, but you know music. So there's my vote.

    By the way, have you watched Ellen's Here and Now? Now THAT'S funny.

  3. 100% agree with you. I've stopped watching Idol a couple of weeks ago... it's just so boring. TV must engage my ADD brain. Besides there being not one singer that is really grabbing me. And I love Ellen, but it just isn't working on here. Paula's whacky (drugged) self made it entertaining. And how did Kara get that job anyway? You know what... nevermind.

  4. Paula brought a crazy random/quirkiness with her presence. Ellen is the same in terms of positive spirit but agree with K that we need the humor.

    Kara is too self indulgent. She'd be great if she commented only every 3rd person.

    How about Sharon Osbourne or Pam Anderson for complete craziness...or Jon Bon Jovi for some eye candy;-)

  5. AI would be better if...
    1. They get rid of Kara (she's the cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch that nobody cares about)
    2. Let Ellen speak last, but only if she say's something funny
    3. Make Randy stop saying "Yo yo yo yo dawg" Really??? Kinda played out, don't ya think??
    4. Find a DECENT judge to replace Simon. Somebody that actually knows about the music industry, and won't sugar coat everything (maybe David Foster)

    I admit, I don't enjoy AI as much as I used to since Paula left. Oh how I miss her antics!!! Maybe if they had some real talent, it would be a bit more enjoyable(though I LOVE LOVE LOVE Crystal Bowersox) Guess I will have to start watching some Xfactor when my boy Simon makes the move :-)